Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
