yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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