it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
