i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
