What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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