You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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