I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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