i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
