also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
