I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
