I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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