I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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