It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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