everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
