I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
