i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
