Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Swine flu. Run for my life!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
