genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
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i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
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Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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