Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
