It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
