Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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