you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
