It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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