Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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