If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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