got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
