Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
