so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
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His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
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I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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