I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
