last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
