Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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