Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
