I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
