We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
