I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
