he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
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Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
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I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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