New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
