on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
