I skipped work to stalk him.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
