moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
