Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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