Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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