She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
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Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
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i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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