Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
