you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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