We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
