my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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