you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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