we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
