You really coming over, don't trick.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
