bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
