we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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