P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
