good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
