I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
