I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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