you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
