I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
