I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
