I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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