I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
