you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
