How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
