Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
