): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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