i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
