my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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