he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
