i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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