I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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