Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
