so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I need moral support for this bender
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
