You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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