apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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