PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
