you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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