she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We're too hungover to prance.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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