the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
