I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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