Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
