I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
