I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
