I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
